Yesterday, I felt impatient...
It was one of those days that we all have, when you’re frustrated because it feels like you just can’t get anything done. Every time I tried to do something productive — finish the laundry, pay a bill, respond to an email, knock something off my months-old to-do list — my little one had other plans. I had a schedule, but he wasn’t interested in letting me keep to it. That's when I realized:
Time is very fickle.
Some days I have too much time — The day seems too long, and I don't have enough energy to make it to the end.
Some days I have too little time — I’m in a rush to get somewhere, but everything is delaying me.
Some days time works for me — My son is fussing in his crib, and I think, “I’ll give him 5 more minutes,” and then he settles. He just needed a little more time.
Some days I have plenty of time, but I waste it or I try to cram too much in — I feel frustrated and resentful for how I've chosen to use my time.
Some days I’m too preoccupied with time — I spy the clock, counting down the minutes till my baby's next nap, when I can have a little time to myself.
Today, though, I feel something different...
I pause and remember that the best moments in life are not dependent on what my baby or other people are doing or how they are acting. The best moments are the ones when I am present and aware that...
This, right now, is MY time — THIS MOMENT is all I have.
Yes, that means that some moments, we might be changing a diaper or fixing a bottle or listening to our baby giggle; these are all the "Moments of Motherhood." But someday, we won’t have these particular moments anymore. They will be replaced by different moments, and we will miss these seemingly unimportant actions and interactions.
So I remind myself...
These moments are ENOUGH — when I consciously stay in them.
When we remember to stay present and be right here in this moment with our children (rather than thinking of all the other things or chores we could be doing instead), it can feel like we have all the time in the world.
Some moments, we will get frustrated and wish that we could be more efficient or productive — or wish we could have just a few minutes alone. That’s okay and normal. We're still human, after all. We still have to get stuff done (even with little ones in tow who aren't aware of our intended schedule for the day).
These "Moments of Motherhood" — some are precious, some are silly, some are frustrating, some are mundane, some are joyous — but they are all OURS. What's important for us to remember is that...
Right now, I choose to remember how grateful I am to have this baby. He might be fussy at the “wrong” time, sleepy at the “wrong” time, or awake at the “wrong” time, but even the wrong time is still MY time. These are MY moments. And right now, I choose to be grateful for all the "Moments of Motherhood" I share with him.
This moment, in the soft, quiet, early hours, I hold my son in gratitude. I feel his small, warm body snuggle into mine while he drinks his bottle. I smell his sweet head and listen to his breathing and I feel so lucky that THIS moment is mine.